I Can Choose

Tonight, I intended to attend a 10th anniversary gathering at my yoga studio. I even took the 5 p.m. class deliberately, thinking I would simply stay on for the celebration afterward. But when the clock came around, I quietly decided not to go.

There was no particular reason. I had already offered my congratulations and genuine good wishes. I simply realized that showing up for the sake of showing up held no meaning for me.

I noticed something else, too. I am not really a socializing-at-large kind of person. I have always been this way. I connect deeply one-on-one, in quiet conversations and unassuming moments. Large gatherings have tended to disorient me since I was young.

There is something liberating about knowing myself well enough to choose.

I can celebrate someone without being at the celebration. I can care without performing. I can belong without appearing. I can now choose where, how, and what I live for. Tonight, I chose simply to go home.

It's a quiet choice but a momentous awareness.